


My Fair Bashir

by DayOldHakarl



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Dream Sequence, F/M, M/M, Unrequited Love, dream gore, endgame garashir, spreading rumors, will they? won't they? when will they?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-21 11:09:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15556392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DayOldHakarl/pseuds/DayOldHakarl
Summary: Fed up with Julian Bashir’s awkward (and unwanted) advances, Jadzia Dax makes a bet with the Cardassian spy-cum-tailor Elim Garak to turn Julian into a “perfect gentleman” in three month’s time. Is it an impossible task?But some things have a way of turning out differently than we expect…(From a prompt suggested by Tumblr user @cobbledstories - my not reading it right has somewhat transformed things.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> LORD HELP ME I'M BACK ON MY BULLSHIT.

Lieutenant Julian Subatoi Bashir, MD, was by all accounts an unmitigated disaster when it came to women.

And it wasn’t just since he came to Deep Space Nine. Oh no. He’s been rubbish with girls his entire life. What he thought was charming was seen universally by every woman - regardless of where they came from in the galaxy - was insanely creepy.

Julian wasn’t sure what he was doing wrong. He thought women appreciated being direct and up-front.

No, that wasn’t right.

Okay, let’s try being euphemistic. That’s even worse. _Right_.

It wasn’t as though he thought women were one hive-mind, although the thought had crossed his own a few times in his younger years. But my God, why were they so difficult to comprehend? Why couldn’t they be the same?

_Well then_ , his subconscious would answer, _then they’d be boring. And_ you’d _be bored. And there you are, back to square one and complaining again. All alone. Poor bastard._

But now was different. Now would be the start of the New and Improved Julian Bashir. Yes, this was an entirely new place to start over. To reinvent himself. What was it that Captain Kirk always said in his logs? “To explore strange new worlds and new civilizations. To boldly go where no man has gone before!”

Julian smirked. “Boldly go” and “explore new worlds” indeed.

Well he’d made his first mistake almost the second he stepped on board the station, referring to this part of the galaxy as “the wild frontier” to resident Bajoran Major Kira Nerys, who soundly (and rightfully) tore him a new one the second the words emerged so carelessly from his lips. “Taste your words before you spit them out,” he recalled one of his primary school teachers constantly telling him.

Perhaps by the time he turned thirty he’d finally listen.

As Kira stormed off, Julian sighed. _I’m off to a great start_ , he thought darkly.

***

Julian changed into his new station uniform and made his way to the medbay. _His_ medbay. It was like when he got his first car. Sure it was a beat-up old POS that barely ran if you drove into the wind and it smelled of rotting milk but it was _his_ car - _all his_! Even Richard, that patriarchal bastard, couldn’t tell him what he could and couldn’t do. Sure he got his share of speeding tickets and it didn’t impress girls (it didn’t even impress neighborhood raccoons) but all the same.

As he walked, entirely wrapped up in his own mind (what else was new), he didn’t realize he was being watched. A set of blue eyes - the same vibrant color as a winter sky - were locked onto him from across the promenade, watching Julian’s svelte form stride purposefully, his nose in the air, the light illuminating the subtle lowlights of brown in his dark hair and the shimmering bronze of his skin.

Elim Garak had seen many people pass through the station back when it was known as Terok Nor, when there were no Federation lackeys nosing about. But none quite caught his eye as the young doctor did. There was something about him that piqued Garak’s interest, and he wasn’t quite sure what that was. His days as an agent of the Obsidian Order were long behind him but his skills in stealth and observation were as sharp as they ever were.

His lips curled into a faint smile. Oh, things were about to get _very_ heated on this cold, gray station.

***

Lieutenant Jadzia Dax thought Julian was a nice guy. _Really_. It was just when he opened his mouth and let loose a strand from his seemingly uncensored stream of conscious he instantly lost whatever appeal he had (and she would admit, it was quite a lot).

Jadzia was used to people paying attention to her. As was the symbiont Dax, who’d made his way across the galaxy in more lifetimes than no one other than a joined Trill could comprehend. Their thoughts were one, and often their thoughts were the same. And Julian discomforted both of them (though Dax tended to find Bashir somewhat amusingly insufferable).

However, Jadzia knew that in order to have a smoothly running station she would have to at least be cordial with the Doctor - that wouldn’t be hard at all. After all, he was a likeable young man! And she knew - or rather, she hoped - he’d keep his mind occupied with the mission, the station, what needed to be done instead of whatever, um, _other_ thoughts might go through his mind.

It was probably because he was a fairly young man, and regardless of their species, young males were often like that: impulsive, boastful, all-knowing...and constantly horny.

Julian Bashir fit all of those categories like a hand in a glove.

Unfortunately he made his intentions known rather bluntly. Jadzia tried at first to be nice. Then she had to get firmer. If this escalated she might have to counter this with a well-timed smack across that baby face of his.

There had to be some sort of way around this. Well, Jadzia thought, a way will present itself.

***

There was a reception for some visiting dignitaries, and it was cause for both Julian and Jadzia, as senior officers, to be present and make small talk with people who could absolutely care less about either them or the station. Commander Sisko had ordered them to work together, which Julian relished but Jadzia remained a bit more even-tempered about.

Thankfully, Julian managed to keep himself together in front of the dignitaries, even if he still was a nervous bit of twigs stitched into a Starfleet uniform. It would’ve been charming if it didn’t borderline on painfully awkward. Jadzia briefly wondered if “Subatoi” translated to “awkwardness personified”.

Jadzia also couldn’t help but notice the tailor Garak snaking around the edges of the room. Never mind _how_ he got in, Jadzia wondered _why_ he was there. He was a civilian (though she had her doubts) but he oozed charm and decorum in ways most of the other Starfleet officers (Julian included) did not. Well, so long as he didn’t cause trouble…

Near the end of the reception, after all the dignitaries were full of food and Quark’s best (“and most expensive”) alcohol, Jadzia was about to make her way back to her quarters when Julian stopped her.

“What an evening _that_ was!” He said, rolling his eyes and giving a little laugh.

Jadzia smiled back. _Wait for it._

“Well, I guess when you’re that old and used to being called ‘special’, you start to believe it.”

“So I suppose if I called you ‘special’, you’d believe me?”

_There it is._ “I am really, _really_ not awake enough for this, _Doctor_ ,” she added, emphasizing his title as though it were an old Trill word meaning “take a goddamn hint”.

“Ah, yes, of course, of course. Shall I walk you back to your quarters then?”

Jadzia heard that the so-called British accent that Julian spoke with drove many Terran women wild. It was sweet and melodic, yes, but right now it was drilling a hole into her temple much like drinking too much Arilian stout did. “I’m a big girl. I can handle myself.”

“Oh, no, that’s not what I’m implying at all!” He laughed a little and sort of shifted on his feet. If it wasn’t creepy it’d be sort of cute. _No_ , Jadzia thought, _no, it’s_ still _creepy_.

“Goodnight, Bashir,” Jadzia spoke with a curt smile, sidestepping him and heading toward the door.

“Ah, I’m...I’m sorry, Jadzia,” Julian began, suddenly appearing directly in front of her path. Oh this boy will not get the damn hint! “I just...Well, you see…”

“My dear Doctor, I think the lieutenant has made herself perfectly clear.”

Jadzia and Julian turned to see Garak striding toward them, a benign smile on his lips. Jadzia could have kissed the Cardassian. Saved by the tailor!

“Mister Garak,” Julian began, his temper showing, “I was just asking to escort Lieutenant Dad to her quarters.”

“And why is that: are you scared some stray voles will come out and eat the soles of her boots?” Garak asked, raising a brow ridge.

“Well, no, I…”

“Might I suggest in the future _listening_ to a woman rather than occupying your mind with whatever devious plans you have for her later?”

Julian turned almost as red as Sisko’s uniform. Jadzia tried desperately not to burst into hysterical laughter. Oh this was what she needed. _Garak, my hero!_

“I can assure you, my dear Doctor,” Garak concluded with a crushing smile, “you will go _much_ farther if you do.” He turned to Jadzia. “I’m not as young as I used to be, but I assure you I’m enough of a repellant for…” he cast Julian a sidelong glance, “... _less savory individuals_.”

“I can go with that,” Jadzia replied, desperately trying to avoid Julian’s mouth moving in silent disbelief.

“Wonderful!” He offered his arm to Jadzia, who could barely contain herself in taking it. “I’ll see you at lunch tomorrow, Doctor.” He nodded and led Jadzia out of the room. Jadzia has to forcefully block out the sounds of Julian’s muffled yet frustrated cursing.

“You’re a lifesaver, Mister Garak,” Jadzia complimented when she was sure they were out of Julian’s earshot.

Garak lowered his arm and allowed Jadzia to walk freely. “I’m a bit of an unsavory individual myself, so, as the Terrans say, ‘it takes one to know one’.” He glanced at Jadzia out of the corner of his eye. “You’ll forgive me for intervening, but it is against my personal code to allow a male to harass a female and not do anything about it. Not that you can’t defend yourself, I mean.”

“I understand and appreciate it. Thank you.” She gave Garak a smile as they entered the turbolift. “Habitation ring.”

Garak smiled back as the turbolift activated. “However, allow me to say this much for Doctor Bashir: his heart is in the right place and if properly tamed, I’m sure he would be a consummate gentleman.”

“I think you meant ‘trained’.” An idea struck her. “How long do you think something like that would take? One month? Two? I think three’s a good target…”

“I didn’t think you were remotely interested in him.”

“I’m not. But you said he could be a gentleman if he were trained.”

“He’s not like a riding hound, Lieutenant. You can’t whip him into shape.”

Jadzia wanted to make a dirty remark about that entire statement but she suppressed the urge. “I’ll make a bet with you. I think Julian is Julian, through and through, forever and ever. You think he can become a gentleman. I’ll give you three months to prove me wrong.”

Garak turned to face Jadzia, who was facing the turbo-lift door with her hands behind her back. “Aside from wanting him to leave you be, why else are you proposing this bet?”

“Boredom.” She turned to Garak, speaking quickly so he couldn’t interject. “I’ll bet ten thousand bars of gold-pressed latinum that it can’t be done.”

Garak’s eyes widened. “ _Ten thousand_! Either you have no faith in Julian or too much in me, and I can’t tell which is worse.”

“So you won’t take it.”

“I don’t even think Quark has seen that much latinum in his life! Where are you possibly going to get that amount of latinum? Where do you expect _I_ will get that much?”

“Simple,” Jadzia said with a shrug as she stepped forward to the turbo-lift, which was slowing down to her floor. “Don’t let me win.” The doors opened and Jadzia looked over her shoulder at Garak. “Do we, or do we not, have a deal?”

Garak stared at her, and Jadzia watched the wheels turning in his head. Could he truly turn the twenty-something Doctor into the epitome of grace and and chivalry? Was it worth that amount of money to even try? And of course there was that Cardassian pride that ran through Garak as thick as the blood in his veins: he wouldn’t possibly let some upstart Trill get the better of him, would he?

“We have a deal,” he finally spoke.

Jadzia smiled and walked off the turbo-lift. “This is gonna be fun, Mister Garak,” she said with a little wave. “Don’t tell Julian!”


	2. Chapter 2

Julian almost cancelled his lunch with Garak simply out of spite. How can that smug Cardassian bastard dare to face him after that ludicrous display last night? 

Ah, but no, Julian reasoned, if he cancelled, then he’d be acknowledging that Garak had won, that he was superior, and that - and this is what stuck in Julian’s craw - he’d had the last word. Nobody has the last word other than Julian Subatoi Bashir, thank you very much. No, he would go and face Garak and tell him exactly what for, that’s what he’d do!

Julian was all prepared to tear into Garak the moment he sat down, but he wasn’t anywhere Julian could see. He checked the time: yes, this was their normal agreed-upon time. So where was he…?

He saw Jadzia approaching with another science officer, deep in conversation about something. Part of Julian felt he should stay right where he is, maybe at most give a little wave and a nod of acknowledgement. 

He really should have listened to that part.

“Lieutenant Dax!” Julian began, leaping to his feet just as Jadzia and the other (female) officer were passing by. “May I have a word?”

“You can say whatever you want to Lieutenant Dax in front of me,” the other officer, an Ensign (of all ranks), said defensively.

Julian glared at her. “This is important information between senior officers. And you will address me as your superior in the future.”

“Doctor, I’m afraid Ensign Wensley and I don’t have much time,” Jadzia intervened, her voice weary. “Just say whatever you need to so we can get back to our lab.”

_ Damnit _ . Julian took a deep breath and sighed. “Alright, I wanted to apologize for my behavior last night.” Assuming the ensign was thinking something dirty, Julian quickly added, “About walking you back to your quarters, I mean. It was wrong, I was rude, and I want to apologize.”

Jadzia’s face remained expressionless. “No harm, no foul,” she replied with a little shrug. “If that’s all…”

“I’d like to make it up to you, perhaps a raktajino later?”

“I’ll see you at the Commander’s meeting later, Doctor,” Jadzia said as she and the ensign walked away. The ensign gave Julian a disapproving smirk. Julian made a face back at her.

“Very mature of you, Doctor. No wonder women are always banging on your door.”

Julian jumped in surprise. Spinning about, he noticed Garak sitting at their table and stirring a cup of tea, smiling wanly. He let out a great breath and put a hand to his chest.

“You scared the liv...how long have you been sitting there?”

“About the time you started throwing your rank in that Ensign’s face. Really, Doctor,” Garak went on as Julian sat down, “everyone on this station knows who you are. Who cares if a little Ensign doesn’t acknowledge it outright?”

“I earned that rank, that’s why. And by the way, I have to say…”

“You know, I’ve been watching you interact with women of all stripes for quite a while now...”

“I’m sorry, you  _ what _ ?”

“...and I believe I’ve noticed a pattern.”

Julian huffed. “Oh. Oh boy I can’t  _ wait  _ to hear this.”

“The biggest problem with your presentation, my dear Doctor...is you.”

“Did you stay up  _ all night _ thinking that one up?”

“Just before I fell asleep, actually. But listen. I can help you.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“I beg to differ.” Julian wondered if Garak could feel his anger radiating off him. “I have some years on you and thus I have more experience with women. Your whole…” He gestured to Julian with a wave of his hand. “... _ everything _ is working to your disadvantage.”

“What are you going to do, sell me clothes?” Julian snapped. He was really not in the mood for this.

“No, although I’d be more than happy to accentuate your wardrobe. You have a lovely bone structure and your skin is to die for.” His eyes lit up. “I have the perfect shirt that’ll flatter your…”

“Get to the point, Garak, I haven’t got all day.”

Garak blinked but smiled and sat back in his chair. “Of course, my dear Doctor,” he purred. “I’m saying that I can teach you some proper manners that might impress a certain Lieutenant you’ve had your eye on.”

Julian’s heart caught in his throat. “You mean Dax?”

“Are there any other ladies you’ve been scaring off that I’m not aware of?”

“Cut it out, Garak. You mean you can actually help me win Dax’s heart?”

“I’m no matchmaker, Doctor, but I’ve known many, many women like Lieutenant Dax. They don’t tolerate incompetence or slavish devotion. No, they’re more civilized than that. They want a man who is strong, who is willing to take control.”

“I can do that!”

“They’re looking for a man who can make decisions, and be firm about them.”

“Yes, yes, I can do that!”

“They’re looking for a man who knows when to speak and, more importantly, when to remain silent.” 

Julian went to say he could do that as well but he knew Garak was waiting for him to fall into that trap. He slowly closed his mouth and sat back in his chair.

Garak smiled. “You’re learning.”

“Yes, I know basic manners,” Julian said gruffly with a wave of his hand. “I’m not a complete Neanderthal.”

“Yes but it’s  _ so much more _ than just manners!” Garak insisted. “It’s the art of conversation, the art of observation and thinking about her instead of yourself. It’s about being two steps ahead yet one step behind.” He raised his eyebrow ridges. “Do you understand?”

Julian swallowed and looked at his plate. “I...I suppose not.”

“So long as you can admit it to yourself, that’s the first step. Meet me at my shop when you’re off your shift. We have a lot of work to do.”

 

***

When Julian was a little boy, he went to one of his aunt’s houses with his mother for high tea. He remembered having to wear a stupid little powder-blue suit and had his hair combed and styled with an obscene amount of foul-smelling pomade. He was told not to touch a single thing and to remain perfectly still and say “please” and “thank you” and “yes, ma’am” and “no, ma’am”. He had to drink tea without sugar (his mother thought it would make him hyperactive) and was not allowed to eat any of the delicate petit-fours his auntie had ordered straight from France. It was three hours of sheer torture.

This was more or less what Julian was expecting when he reached Garak’s shop at the end of his shift.  _ Don’t touch the china, Jules. Don’t be loud, Jules. Sit up straight and proper, Jules. Stop making rude noises, Jules. Be a good little boy, Jules. _ He could taste that needlessly bitter tea rising in the back of his throat as the memory.

He must have had a sour look on his face, for when Garak saw him his face automatically morphed. “Well, you can’t have had  _ that  _ bad of a day.”

“Just get this over with,” Julian said with a sigh. “I’m rather tired and I’d like to go take a nap.”

“Then I won’t tax you  _ too  _ much,” Garak proposed, though Julian highly doubted it.

“Now this is going to be good for  _ all _ women, right?” Julian asked as he followed Garak back into his closed-up shop and into his back office. “Not just for Cardassian women?”

Garak smirked. “Doctor, you couldn’t handle a Cardassian woman.” 

Julian felt he should be offended but decided to let it go.

When he entered Garak’s office, he saw a small table set up with two plates, a basket of fruit, and a single lit candle. He eyed Garak cautiously, who simply gestured to the table. This must be some sort of challenge. Alright then.

Julian walked over to one chair and sat down in it. Garak tsk’ed loudly.

“What?” Julian asked, genuinely confused.

“You’re supposed to hold the seat open for your companion,” Garak noted.

“I don’t have a companion,” Julian pointed out bitterly.

Garak smiled.  _ Oh no _ .

“ _ You _ ?” Julian asked, holding back a laugh. “ _ You’re _ going to be my date?”

“Is it really such a hard thing to imagine?”

“Not a  _ hard  _ thing, just…”

“ _ Difficult _ .”

“A little, yes.” 

“Then imagine me as Lieutenant Dax. Will that help?”

_ My nightmares, maybe. _ “No, no, just...just be you.” He stood up and crossed to the second chair, pulling it out and gesturing for Garak to sit. He tsk’ed again.

“Now what?” Julian asked, annoyed.

“Pulling out the chair is already a gesture,” Garak explained. “Gesturing a second time shows impatience. And don’t slouch; you have such lovely posture, it’d be a shame to ruin your spine with an unsightly bend.”

Julian glared at Garak. He snapped to attention, thrusting his chest out needlessly, and forced a smile. Garak shook his head.

“Please be serious, Doctor,” he said wearily.

“I  _ am _ serious!” Julian snapped, his patience wearing thin.

“Alright,” Garak said. “Then I’ll be you and you be the date. Watch and learn.”

“I guess that makes me Jadzia,” Julian said with a snort. He picked up an apple from the fruit basket. “Think I should put a couple of these down my shirt for greater effect?”

“You’d need melons, I’m afraid.”

Julian turned red as the apple he held. “ _ Mister Garak _ !”

Garak shrugged. “I’m a tailor, it’s my job to know these things. Now.” He went to Julian’s original chair and pulled it out. He stood tall but not stiff and looked warm but not over eager. “Have a seat.”

Julian sighed through his nose, put the apple back, and sat down in Garak’s chair. Garak pushed the chair and Julian into the table with one smooth motion before he straightened and walked to the other seat, where he sat down.

“I could’ve done that,” Julian muttered, fingering the cloth napkin in front of him.

“Yes, but you didn’t,” Garak pointed out. “Don’t slouch.”

Julian gaped at Garak. 

“Thank you for joining me,” Garak greeted, ignoring Julian and placing his napkin in his lap. Julian followed suit. He felt like a child. “I’ve already gone ahead and ordered for us.”

Julian blinked. “But you don’t know what I like,” he pointed out with a little laugh. “Furthermore I could be allergic to whatever you’ve ordered, or…”

“Oh, that won’t happen,” Garak dismissed with a hand wave. “I’ve merely ordered you a Vulcan salad. You know,” he paused, drinking in Julian’s surprise, “to keep that lovely figure.”

Julian was livid. “You can’t  _ possibly  _ believe I’d actually act like that!” he gasped, his nose wrinkled in disgust.

Garak’s eyebrows ridges lifted. “Oh, I  _ do  _ apologize!” he said obsequiously. “But, and please correct me if I’m wrong, because my eyes aren’t what they used to be...didn’t you do that last week when you took that lovely young Bajoran nurse out to lunch?”

Julian went to argue the point but he was merely left with his mouth hanging open and his pointer finger extended, his eyes unfocusing and feeling his body shrinking back into his chair. He couldn’t speak. He was completely gobsmacked and, of course, Garak was completely unfazed by any of this. He sat across from him, smiling serenely as though he were calmly waiting for a bus.

_ Bloody lizard bastard. _

“I must ask, though, Doctor,” Garak finally spoke, his tone more or less normal, “what is the idea of ordering food for your companion? Is it supposed to be charming? Is it supposed to show you’re thinking of them? I honestly don’t understand.”

“I don’t know, either,” Julian admitted. “I’d just…” He swallowed hard. “I’d seen it in so many holomovies and read it in so many books I thought it was…” He shook his head. “Oh god, Garak, don’t make me admit that I don’t know what I’m doing.” He buried his head in his arms on the table, partly out of shame but mostly because he couldn’t bear looking at Garak’s judgmental face anymore.

Moments passed and Garak had not said anything. Julian tentatively lifted his head and looked at Garak, who was regarding him with what appeared to be sadness...or was it pity? It made Julian sick to his stomach.

“I have to go…” he began, quickly rising from his chair. Garak quickly grabbed his wrist and stopped him.

“Sit down...Julian,” he said quietly.

Julian was stunned. He couldn’t recall Garak ever using his given name before now. His heart unexpectedly fluttered as he slowly sat back down.

“I know how much Lieutenant Dax means to you,” Garak began, letting go of Julian’s wrist and folding his hands on the table in front of him. “And, well, as your friend I’m...simply trying to help you.” He paused, considering his next words. “You are quite a gem, Doctor,” he finally spoke, his voice almost a whisper. “You just need a little polish.”

Julian felt himself smile sheepishly and heat radiate from his face. What a lovely compliment...and from Garak of all people! His heart started to flutter again. 

He looked down at his hands in his lap. “Thank you,” he replied quietly. “I guess...I guess I really  _ do  _ need all the help I can get.” He looked up at Garak through his long lashes. “Will you help a hopeless case like me?”

Garak smiled warmly back. “It’ll be my pleasure. Although, perhaps, this isn’t quite the way to go about it.”

“Maybe not.”

“Let’s perhaps try this again when you’re a little less upset and I’m a little less catty.”

Julian chuckled. “So...you’re  _ never  _ helping me, is that right?”

Garak laughed a little, too. “You  _ are  _ quite a gem, my dear Doctor,” he repeated with a little shake of his head. “A little rough around the edges, but then again there’s always the need to cut every now and then.”

Julian’s smile became a grin.

 

***

“The first thing we’re going to learn is how to eat like a gentleman.”

“What’s wrong with how I eat?” Julian asked over dinner the next day, a brow raised.

“Put it this way,” Garak began, putting the tips of his fingers together and concentrating, reminding Julian of the manager at his first job thinking of something nice to say before he fired him. “There are giant carnivorous sandworms less voracious than you are.”

“I didn’t know you read  _ Dune _ .”

“What’s  _ Dune _ ?”

“Never mind.” Julian picked up his fork and speared a piece of stew with it. Garak made a face.

“Did that piece of meat insult your father?”

_ If it did I’d probably marry it.  _ “Uh...no?”

“Then don’t stab at it the way you’d stab an enemy. You’re eating a meal, not feasting on the flesh of the fallen.”

Now it was Julian’s turn to make a face. Shrugging, he shoved the bit of meat into his mouth and chewed it as he slid more stew onto his fork and raised it to his lips.

“You haven’t even finished chewing that meat,” Garak pointed out. 

Julian’s mind went to a very dirty place but he quickly suppressed it. “It’s very tough today. And I’m very hungry.” He tried to put the fork in his mouth but Garak sighed loudly.

“I’d tell you to savor your food but I’m not even sure you  _ taste  _ it.”

“It’s  _ replimat  _ food,” Julian replied flatly, dropping his fork and swallowing the meat, “there’s nothing to savor.”

“You have an overactive imagination...imagine something better.”

Julian grunted as he picked up the fork again. He stared at the stew he had speared and tried to picture something else. Something a little more elegant, maybe. Something that didn’t taste like refried trainers. 

“Filet steak,” he finally spoke.

Garak blinked. “What?”

“Filet steak,” Julian repeated, training his mind to picture his stew as a meal crafted by a top Parisian chef. “It’s a French dish, called ‘filet mignon’ in some parts. It’s a very delicate steak cut from the tenderloin of a cow.” Just hearing himself talk made his mouth water. It had been so very, very long since he had a good steak. Julian subconsciously licked his lips as he imagined that first perfect savory bite. 

“Perhaps you’re dreaming a little  _ too  _ well,” Garak pointed out gently. “It’s not good to lick your lips in front of your companion.” He hesitated. “Not over dinner, anyway.”

Julian smirked as he placed the fork in his mouth.

“Now concentrate on the flavors as they dance across your tongue,” Garak instructed. “Actually taste them, savor them. Revel in them.”

“ _ It’s replimat food _ .”

“And don’t talk with your mouth full. Honestly, Doctor, I can’t believe I’m actually saying this.”

Julian grumbled but did as he was told. The idea of filet steak mixed with the reality of the bland and overcooked vegetables from the stew and it wasn’t very palatable, but Julian did his best to concentrate on the various flavors as he ate. He tasted the saltiness of the stew base, the spices and seasonings...he tasted the sweet vegetables and sank his teeth into a particularly tender piece of Halaxian radish. Julian found his eyes closing as he concentrated, a feeling of calm serenity washing over him.

“Good, good,” he heard Garak speak. “You’re doing very well.”

“Doing well with what, pretending he’s having an orgasm?”

Julian’s eyes instantly shot open at the sound of Miles O’Brien’s voice. The chief engineer stood over the two of them, his arms folded over his chest and a vaguely amused look on his face. Julian dropped his fork and quickly swallowed the stew, avoiding Garak’s reproachful glare.

“Ah, yes, hi, Chief,” Julian greeted, wiping his mouth on his napkin. “I didn’t hear you come by.”

“Considering how lost you were in your stew, I’d be surprised if you heard Klingons mating,” Miles commented flatly. “Did they change the recipe or is it still the same ol’ mush they’ve been makin’ since we got here?”

“Same as it always is, I’m afraid.”

“So what’s the deal? What’s so special about today’s slough?”

“Julian is learning to become a better gentleman,” Garak chimed in, pulling Miles’ attention off of Julian. “He wanted some help in courting the ladies.”

“You mean Dax,” Miles corrected. He lifted a brow at Julian. “Still shootin’ way outta yer league there, huh? You’ve got a lot of determination, that’s for sure.”

“Jadz...er, Dax isn’t out of my league,” Julian defended, albeit somewhat weakly. 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night. Then again, this could be good for you. Maybe you could learn to stop creeping out my engineers with all your raktajino dates.”

“One can only hope,” Garak muttered.

Miles eyed the Cardassian. “Didn’t think I’d see you takin’ etiquette lessons from a Cardi, though. Sure he’s not gonna brainwash you into thinkin’ how great Cardassia is?”

“He’s literally  _ right there _ , Miles,” Julian pointed out, suddenly feeling embarrassed for Garak.

“Well, just do me a favor, both of you,” Miles concluded, shifting his weight toward Julian but still looking at Garak. “He may be a right prick at times…”

“ _ Hey _ !”

“...but don’t go changin’ him for the sake of pleasin’ someone else. You’ll both wind up miserable.” He nodded to Julian. “See you tomorrow.” With that, he walked away.

Julian waved weakly back. “Yeah, bye,” he replied weakly. He quickly turned to Garak, who was eerily expressionless. “Garak, I am so sorry about what he said…”

“Ah, well...it’s better than ‘spoonhead’ at the very least.”

Julian paused. “You don’t  _ really  _ want to change me completely, do you? I mean, I am a bit rough around the edges at times but...am I  _ really  _ that disagreeable of a person?”

Garak didn’t answer right away, which practically confirmed Julian’s fears. After a few awkward moments, Garak finally spoke: 

“You’re asking two very different questions, Doctor, so you should expect two very different answers. As to the former, I don’t want you to change any more than you are comfortable with doing. There is always room for improvement, and that is what we are working toward: improvement. You are not clay to be reshaped and reformed by my hands; it is ultimately your choice what you wish to modify and what you wish to keep.

“As to the latter, nobody views a work of art in the exact same way. Chief O’Brien has a different view of you than I do. As do Lieutenant Dax and Major Kira and Commander Sisko. I’m sure if you got all of us in the same room we’d all have different things to praise you for and different things to critique. You are not completely disagreeable, though you have your moments -  _ as we all do _ ,” Garak added as Julian began to open his mouth. “You would not have gotten this far in your life if you truly were a disagreeable person.” He paused, the faintest of smiles flickering across his lips. “I wouldn’t be wasting my time with you if that were true.”

Julian smiled back, that flutter returning to his heart, a tiny bird returning to roost in his ribcage. Something about having Garak’s approval resonated with him more than he could put into words. He’d been praised constantly for the most part of his life, and it all felt good, but coming from Garak it was...it was as though he honestly and truly earned it. It was worth more.

“Now, enough of my glittering praise,” Garak resumed, his pitch rising just slightly, indicating that bit of the conversation had now ended, “and let’s get back to your table manners. Although I am afraid your stew must be stone cold by now.

Julian would’ve swallowed cold steel if it meant seeing Garak smile.


	3. Chapter 3

“I dunno, Keiko. I think this is a mistake.”

Keiko O’Brien looked up from her typing to see her husband Miles pacing the floor of the quarters. “Are you still on about Julian getting etiquette lessons from the tailor?”

“Yeh damn right I am,” Miles replied tersely. “I don’t like it. I dunno why but somethin’ isn’t addin’ up here.”

“Maybe it’s an agreement between them,” Keiko offered, returning to her work. She had to get this report written up sooner rather than later, and Miles’ griping was not helping. Furthermore, she’d just gotten Molly to sleep and she’d finished grading her students’ essays. Honestly she just wanted to write and have a moment to herself. “Both Julian and Mister Garak are fully competent adults. I’m sure everything’s on the up and up.”

“ _ Mister _ Garak!” Miles scoffed. Oh here we go. “I don’t trust that Cardi any farther than I can throw ‘im. And I’d like to throw ‘im out an airlock.”

“Miles Edward O’Brien!” Keiko gasped, turning in her chair to face her husband. “That’s terrible! Don’t say things like that!”

“Well it’s true! Why’s he the only Cardi still on the station, huh? For all we know, Dukat’s got ‘im as a spy. Sendin’ ‘im secrets and Federation plans…”

“By teaching Julian how to chew his food like a normal human being?” Keiko asked skeptically, folding her arms across her chest.

Miles blushed and began to sputter. “Y-you don’ know what they’re like, Keiko! They’re...they’re monsters! You saw what they did when we were on the  _ Enterprise _ . I don’t trust any of ‘em, not a one! Especially that ‘tailor’.” He huffed. “Why’d we even  _ need  _ a tailor? We can just replicate clothes anyway.”

Keiko massaged the bridge of her nose; a migraine was the last thing she needed right now. “Miles, I understand you’re...concerned about Julian. But really, he’s a grown man. He can make his own decisions.”

“Yeah, and those decisions may cost us Federation secrets.”

“You’re being paranoid, Miles.”

“Well he ain’t thinkin’ with the head on his shoulders, I know that for damn sure!”

Keiko blinked in confusion. “Who’s not: Julian or Garak?”

Miles opened his mouth to say, but something in Keiko’s question made both of them wonder what was really at play here.

 

***

 

A subtle change was taking place within Julian. He was walking a little straighter and a little slower. It was no longer a pompous swagger but more of a deliberate yet considerate walk. He held his head a little higher and his shoulders a little further back. It wasn’t a night and day change - he still was rather abysmal at conversation - but Garak was certain he was making sufficient progress.

“I have to say I’m impressed,” Jadzia noted one day, picking up a uniform Garak had repaired for her. “He’s still as awkward as the day is long, but he’s actually behaving more like a gentleman and less like an ass.”

“Even I surprise myself sometimes,” Garak declared in a breathy voice.

“I find that hard to believe. It’s been one month. Do you think you’re willing to cash in yet?”

Garak shook his head. “I have a little bit more work to do. I don’t think he’s quite ready for the debutante ball yet.”

“Well, you still do have...what is that noise?”

Garak listened. “It sounds like... _ singing _ .” He turned to Jadzia. “And it’s getting closer.”

The singing was indeed getting closer, and with further listening Jadzia and Garak looked at each other, their eyes wide.  _ It couldn’t be... _

“ _ Oh what a beautiful moooorning! Oh what a beautiful daaay…I’ve got a wonderful feeeeeling! Everything’s going my waaaay _ !” Julian danced into Garak’s shop, his feet barely touching the floor, stopping just short of colliding with a mannequin. He was grinning from ear to ear. “Garak, I had to come and tell you the good news!” he said breathlessly. “I just…oh, hello, Lieutenant!”

“Hi, Julian,” Jadzia replied, a little uneasily.

“I suppose I’ll tell you as well!” Julian beamed. “Garak, I have a date!”

“ _ You what? _ ” Garak and Jadzia both asked simultaneously. 

“What, is it  _ that  _ unbelievable?” he laughed, unfazed at their shock. “I asked Ensign Wensley to the officer’s reception in two weeks, and…”

“Wait,” Jadzia interrupted. “ _ Ensign Wensley _ ? The same Ensign Wensley I work with?”

“The very same! You know,” he began, a dreamy look on his face, “she’s actually quite lovely once you get to know her. Her name is Jane, did you know that? Jane Wensley. What an English-sounding name! Well, I mean, she’s from Canada, but…”

“The same ensign you snapped at a month ago?” Garak questioned.

“Well, yes, that’s her. I ran into her at the replimat getting a raktajino and I offered to put it on my tab, considering I was a right arse to her last month. Anyway, we got to talking and...I just asked her out! And it’s all thanks to you, Garak!”

Garak blinked. “I-I’m sorry, what?”

“It’s all thanks to you! Even she said that she noticed something different about me. I wasn’t as obnoxious as I used to be, I suppose.” Another laugh. “Oh, but what does it matter! I have a date! I have a date with  _ an actual woman _ !”

“So I’ve heard!” Jadzia replied, feigning a smile.

Julian beamed before turning to Garak, taking his hands into his own. “I owe you so much, Mister Garak. If I hadn’t had your lessons there’s no way she would’ve even acknowledged me.” He paused. “Do you think you could alter my dress uniform for me? I want to look absolutely spectacular for her. And Jadzia,” Julian went on, letting go of Garak’s hands and taking Jadzia’s, “can you find out what color dress she’s wearing? I want to get her a matching corsage.”

“Isn’t that a little...junior high?” Jadzia asked warily.

“All girls love flowers!” Julian replied easily. Garak and Jadzia exchanged a glance: clearly there was still a lot of work to be done. The lessons were far from complete.

“I must go, but I had to tell you,” Julian concluded. “You two...thank you. Thank you so much!” With a grin he flounced out of the shop, continuing to sing.

Garak and Jadzia watched in utter disbelief.

“I gotta see this,” Jadzia muttered.

“You and me both,” Garak replied.

 

***

 

Garak scheduled a fitting for Julian so he could get the measurements for his dress uniform. As he worked, he noted, “You know, there’s still a lot you don’t quite have down pat.”

“I think I’ll manage,” Julian replied, checking himself in the mirror. Garak rolled his eyes.

“How do you intend on meeting the Ensign?” Garak asked, kneeling down to measure Julian’s obscenely long legs.

“I suppose I’ll just meet her there. Unless you think I should pick her up.”

“That would be wise.” Garak measured Julian’s inseam, trying to keep as straight a face as he could. “And what about dinner? Will you be dining before, during, or after the event?”

“Pretty certain there’ll be food there. Hopefully better than the replimat.” He looked down at Garak. “Is something wrong? You’ve been...down there an awfully long time.”

Garak quickly straightened. “Just making sure my measurements are accurate.”

“I’ve no doubt they are. You always manage to make me look my best.”

Garak smiled. “All I do is make the clothes, it’s the body they’re on that does the real work.”

Julian blushed. “Well, I have been working out a little bit more. Our lunches have made me gain a couple stubborn pounds. I’m going to have to cut back on them.”

“Or just simply mind what you eat, like we discussed.” Garak paused. “I’d like to have a quick lesson with you just before the reception, if you won’t mind. Consider it a test run to make sure everything flows perfectly. How does that sound?”

“Not a bad idea. Shall I bring Jane?”

“Jane?” Oh.  _ Her _ . “No, no, if she’s there I’m afraid you’ll be distracted and won’t focus on what you’re supposed to be doing.”

Julian laughed a little. “Isn’t that the point? To make sure I don’t make a fool of myself in front of her?”

“Consider it a surprise!” Garak smiled, holding his arms wide. “We want her to be completely blown away with the perfect gentleman you’ve become.”  _ Although Guls know there is a lot more work to be done with you, and this might be my only way to do it. _

“Well, if you insist. What do you propose?”

“I’ll arrange something in the holosuites, to make it seem real enough for both of us. Be sure to dress nicely - let’s make it almost reality. What do you say? Two days from now at 1900?”

Julian nodded. “Sounds like a date!” He blushed and corrected himself. “Yes, of course, I’ll be there.”

 

***

 

After his shift, Julian went back to his quarters, changed into a nice dress shirt and trousers, and made his way back to Quark’s. He walked to the bar and motioned for Quark, who was busy making drinks for a pair of Klingon women.

“What now?” he barked.

“I’m looking for Mister Garak,” Julian explained. “He’s meeting me…”

  
“Holosuite twenty-four, you know where it is. Now get outta here, I’m busy.”

Julian shrugged and went to holosuite twenty-four. He pressed the call button on the wall panel next to the door. “Garak?” he called. “It’s me. I’m here!”

“Splendid, right on time,” came Garak’s voice. “Come in, I’ve been expecting you.”

“I’d certainly hope so,” Julian said as he opened the door. “You were the one who sched….”

His breath immediately left him. Garak had created a stunningly gorgeous ballroom bedecked with gold and white marble. A string quartet played as a small elegantly dressed crowd milled about, speaking and laughing amongst themselves. A few of them looked at Julian as he nervously weaved his way through, looking for Garak. He eventually found him standing by a small fountain perched on a table filled with the most delicious-looking food Julian had ever seen.

“Garak!” Julian gasped. “This is...this is _way_ beyond what the reception will be!”

“I’m aware,” Garak replied, nodding as he lifted a glass of what looked like champagne. “If you think you’re truly ready, then this won’t be much of a challenge.”

Julian’s face darkened. “You did this on purpose to sabotage me.”

Garak looked genuinely offended. “Do you  _ really  _ have so little faith in me, Doctor? The way I see it, if you can successfully navigate a formal ball like this, then I truly will have done my job. Otherwise…” He trailed off, his attention drifting elsewhere.

“Otherwise?”

Garak snapped back to Julian with a smile. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Would you like a drink?”

“Please.” Julian hugged himself as Garak poured him a glass of the same substance he was drinking. “I feel so underdressed, completely naked.”

“They’re not going to make a fuss over your clothes, Doctor,” Garak explained, handing him the glass. “That I did deliberately, as I realized you and I both have different definitions of ‘dressing nicely’.”

Julian nodded and took a sip of his drink. He blinked and studied it. “Is this champagne? It doesn’t quite taste it…”

“Close,” Garak replied. “It’s a sparkling wine from the Rombel system. It has a similar consistency to your champagne but if you smell it…” Garak gave Julian a prompting look, causing Julian to sniff his drink, “...there’s a very distinct smell of…”

“Roses,” Julian spoke quietly. “It smells just like roses back on Earth.”

“Except it isn’t. It’s part of the secret process the Rombellians use to infuse the wine with the carbonation but it gives it a very potent alcohol content. Don’t drink too much, though: you might forget yourself.”

Julian laughed a little as he sipped the wine. It truly was delicious. He’d absolutely have to be careful not to drink much. Perhaps he could bring some to the Ensign…

“Do you see that young lady over there?” Garak asked, interrupting Julian’s thoughts and gesturing across the room. “The one in the blue gown.”

Julian looked. A woman with dark hair and wearing a blue floor-length the color of midnight was studying him. Julian felt his face flush. “She’s beautiful,” he spoke.

“Perhaps you should tell her that rather than me,” Garak gently urged. When Julian looked at him with shock, Garak simply nodded at the woman. “You can do this. Go.”

Julian took a deep breath, downed the rest of his Rombellian wine, got himself a second glass and one for the mystery woman, and made his way over to her. He cleared his throat to get her attention. She had the most stunning blue eyes he’d ever seen. Well, perhaps  _ second  _ most stunning…

“Hello,” Julian greeted with a smile. “I couldn’t help but notice you from across the room.”

“You mean you couldn’t help noticing me noticing you,” she replied, her voice dripping and sweet like honey. Julian already felt himself getting a head rush. “I haven’t seen you before, are you new?”

“I, uh, just got here,” Julian replied. He offered her a glass of wine. “Would you like a drink?”

The woman eyed the glass with a very slight air of suspicion before politely shaking her head. “No, I’m sorry, I don’t take drinks from strangers.”

_ Damn you, Garak. _ “Well then...perhaps…” Now he understood what Garak meant about that wine: that head rush he felt earlier was not because of the woman’s lovely voice. “Perhaps I can drink it for the both of us?” he asked with a laugh.

The woman’s smile faltered. He wasn’t winning any points with her. “That...that won’t be necessary.” She took the drinks from his hand and put them onto a passing butler’s tray. “Would you care to dance?”

“Dance?” Julian repeated nervously.

“Yes, dance,” the woman said. “You  _ do _ know how to dance, don’t you?”

_ Only tap, and only because my mother made me. _ “Not in a very long time, I’m afraid.”

The woman offered her hand. “I’m sure it’ll come back to you in time.” When they weren’t moving, the woman nodded pointedly to the dance floor. Julian realized what was happening and, apologizing, led her out. He began to notice all eyes were on them...or more importantly, all eyes were on him.  _ Damnit, Garak. _

The woman positioned herself with one hand in the air and one hand out to the side. Julian took her hands in his and they stepped closer together. The band began to play a waltz.  _ Of course they would _ , Julian thought.  _ I haven’t danced a formal waltz in ages. _ He and Garak would have to have a little chat after this.

Julian tried to remember his steps: one, two, three...one, two, three...step, step, glide...step, step… He fell into the rhythm of the music and began to dance with the woman, gently guiding her across the floor. He lowered one of her hands and moved to put his hand on her hip. The moment he touched her, she immediately grabbed his hand and planted it firmly on her waist. 

“Don’t get familiar,” she warned.

Julian nodded. “S-sorry.” He wondered if she felt the heat pouring off his face from embarrassment. The only response he got from her was a cocked eyebrow and her hand coming to rest at his waist. She stepped in to close the space between them as they continued to dance.

God he felt like he was in junior high all over again. He kept expecting a chaperone (more than likely Garak) coming to separate them because they were “dancing too close”. Something about allowing enough room for “the Holy Spirit” to stand between them. Which was funny because Julian wasn’t remotely religious. 

“Are you alright?” The woman asked. “You’re trembling.” 

“You’ll forgive me,” Julian replied, “it’s just been a very long time since I’ve…” Been with a woman? Yeah, let’s not be so honest. “...danced like this.”

She clearly didn’t believe him but she gave him a nod of understanding anyway. “Well, it’s just like riding a bike. You get the feel after a while.” She smiled up at him. “You have lovely eyes. What a delightful shade of green.”

They were hazel but Julian decided to seize the opportunity. “Green like the earth, a perfect companion for the blue oceans of your eyes.”

The woman blinked at Julian. “That’s...an interesting comparison,” she noted slowly.

“May I kiss you?”

The woman’s eyes widened. “I don’t recall giving you any sign that I wanted you to kiss me. You need to watch, to feel. Asking is fine but not before your partner clearly shows interest.” The music stopped and the watching crowd gave a polite applause. “Thank you for the dance, good sir. I hope you enjoy the rest of the evening.” She stepped free of Julian’s hold, curtsied, and walked away, leaving Julian standing very much alone.

“What happened with me?” Julian asked no one in particular. “I just...lost myself. God she was so beautiful…”

“You mustn’t let yourself get caught up in a woman’s beauty and forget yourself in the process,” came Garak’s voice. Julian turned to see Garak standing behind him, holding his hands behind his back. “Looks are But one piece of an ever-larger and evermore complex puzzle.”

Julian looked back at the woman in the blue gown and sighed. “If I can’t even get a kiss from a hologram, what makes me think I’ll get one from Jane?”

“What have I told you in the past, Doctor?” Garak asked, stepping closer to Julian. “It’s not about the end game. It’s about getting there, the journey. It’s just as important to find yourself and be true to him as much as you are to your partner.”

“I want one more chance. One more chance with her, Garak, I  _ know  _ I can get her this time!”

“She is a simulation, Doctor, not a live person. I, however, am.” Garak held out his hand. “Why not dance with me?”

Julian did a double-take. “You? Seriously?”

Garak said nothing. He merely continued to hold out his hand.

Julian shifted uncomfortably in place. His heart was fluttering again. Why? Garak hasn’t paid him any sort of compliment, so why…

“I’m not going to wait all day, Doctor,” Garak spoke, lowering his eyes to his outstretched hand and back at Julian again.

Julian swallowed. Why was this so difficult? Just one dance with Garak. No one would know. It’d be their little secret. He nodded once and placed his hand in Garak’s, the fluttering in his heart immediately intensifying. Garak gently pulled him closer and put his hand on Julian’s waist. He then took Julian’s other hand and guided it to his own waist. 

Garak was so close that Julian could see himself reflected in his sky blue eyes. A lump formed in Julian’s throat. Why? What was happening here? Why was his body reacting this way?

The band began another waltz. Garak guided Julian across the floor. Julian felt as though he was gliding on air, barely touching the ground, as if waltzing on a cloud.

“Where did you learn to dance?” Julian asked.

Garak smiled. “I’m a man of many faces, my dear Doctor,” he replied. “You’ve just not seen all of them yet.”

“I could live forever yet I’d only see a few.”

Garak’s eyes widened in approval. “Impressive,” he spoke. “When you actually put that brain of yours to use, you are actually quite charming.”

Julian finally felt like smiling. “Perhaps I could give you a run for your money someday.”

Garak laughed a little. “Stranger things have happened, my dear Doctor,” he replied.

Julian blushed as Garak continued to lead. It was nice, he had to admit, relinquishing control and handing it over to someone he trusted. He did not have to think, did not need to worry. His body just moved, and it moved with Garak’s guidance. It responded to his every cue and every gesture. Their bodies were almost perfectly in sync. He’d never felt this way about another…

Oh.

_ Oh no _ .

Could it be?

Julian’s heart began to beat harder. He ran through the symptoms in his head: intensified pulse, dilated pupils, butterflies in his stomach, loss of control…

Oh my God  _ was he in love with Garak _ ?

Part of Julian wanted to run away. Wanted to hide in his quarters and never leave, never facing his friend again. Hell, maybe even get reassigned. He couldn’t dare bring himself to meet the Cardassian’s penetrating gaze for fear that Garak would immediately sense his foolish emotions. “ _ You can’t fall in love with me! _ ” he imagined Garak saying, laughing heartily. “ _ Just when I thought you couldn’t possibly get any stupider, any more naive! My dear Doctor, I’d had higher expectations of you. _ ”

But there was another part. Quieter, smaller, like a confidante whispering in his ear. “Trust this,” it said, and nothing more. The fluttering bird in his heart was actually a phoenix, at least a very tiny one. Perhaps a baby. It was just beginning to sing for Julian, its feathers just beginning to glisten with sparks of flame. It was such a sweet melody, sweeter than anything Julian had ever heard in his life. Sweeter than the music he and Garak were dancing to. 

The phoenix in his heart had been reborn from ashes. Just as Julian Bashir had been reborn from the ashes of Jules Bashir. Perhaps at some point he had died again and, thanks to Garak’s friendship, Julian was reborn from the ashes of his former self.

“ _ You are not clay to be reshaped and reformed by my hands. _ ” Oh, but what if I  _ want  _ to be?

“You’re trembling again,” he heard Garak’s voice from what seemed like light years away. Julian realized his eyes had closed and he slowly opened them to reveal Garak regarding him pensively. The Cardassian blinked slowly and tilted his head to the side ever so slightly. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes,” Julian whispered, pushing the word from his chest to his lips, forcing the bird within him to sing for the Cardassian holding him so tenderly. “I’ve never felt better.”


	4. Chapter 4

As a final lesson for the evening, Garak walked Julian back to his quarters. Julian’s heart was still racing, his head still swimming (was it the wine? Was it something else? He honestly didn’t know), the music still echoing as a distant memory. The phoenix was cooing softly, singing a lullaby that was quickly working its magic on Julian. His eyelids could barely stay open by the time he and Garak had reached his quarters.

“And this is where I take my leave, my dear Doctor,” Garak said quietly, a little nod of his head, a little smile on his lips.

“How was I, honestly, Garak?” Julian asked, his voice far more breathy than he intended. “I want to know I’m doing right.”

“You’re doing well enough,” Garak replied. “But you still have a long way to go.”

“The reception is tomorrow...I don’t know…”

“You’ll be fine, Doctor,” Garak praised, putting a hand on Julian’s shoulder. “I’m only a plain, simple tailor. I can’t work magic. Some of it has to come from you.” He gently poked Julian in the chest with his finger.

Julian suddenly took Garak’s hand in his own. He studied it through a haze, ran his hands over the fine scaling, noting how perfectly suited they were for tailoring. What other things had these hands done? What else had they touched? Julian wanted to have Garak’s hands all over his body, feel them on his skin. But for now, he was content in massaging the delicate grey skin between his hands.

“Doctor,” Garak spoke in gentle warning.

“Do you have a moment?” Julian heard himself say. “I have...I have some lovely tea I think you’ll enjoy…”

Garak stared back at Julian, his face unreadable. He slowly blinked and took back his hands, both the one Julian was fondling absentmindedly and the hand on his shoulder. “A gentleman must know when to take his leave.”

“Please don’t,” Julian whispered.

Garak blinked slowly again before closing the space between himself and Julian. He lifted a hand to the doctor’s face and gently cradled his cheek. Julian’s breath hitched and his eyelids fluttered.

“Just like when we first met,” Garak noted quietly, the faintest of smiles on his lips. “My dear Julian, you must learn to control yourself. Don’t give away all your secrets at first glance. You’ve got to leave someone…” He leaned in a little closer, his lips gracing Julian’s ear. “... _ wanting _ .”

Julian could barely take it anymore. Part of him wanted to take Garak right now, slam him into the wall, and kiss him so deeply, so passionately he’d steal the very air from his lungs. But he also desperately wanted Garak’s approval, he wanted to show him how much he’d learned and how much he’d improved. 

Oh, but this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. This was supposed to be with the Ensign. This was supposed to be with Jadzia. But the more Julian thought about them, or at least tried to, the fainter they appeared in his mind’s eye, vanishing like morning fog. The phoenix within him was burning him so much he felt he would melt into Garak’s touch.

“Why must this be so hard,” his own voice gently shook him from his thoughts.

“Good-night, Doctor,” Garak whispered, slowly drawing back from Julian’s side and lowering his hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow at the reception.” With a little nod, Garak turned and left Julian paralyzed by the door. 

Shutting his eyes, Julian slammed his hand into the panel that unlocked the door, stumbled into the room, and closed the door behind him. He leaned back against the door, breathing hard, his eyes wet with tears.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.

He slid into the floor as a tear slid down his cheek. This wasn’t supposed to go this way. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

No, it was somehow  _ better _ .

 

***

The officer’s reception was a grand affair. Commander Sisko had wanted to thank everyone on board for their hard work and dedication to getting the station up and running as quickly and efficiently as possible. 

Jadzia caught sight of Julian entering the reception with Ensign Wensley on his arm. Julian looked like a fairy tale prince in his sparkling white and gold dress uniform. The way it brought out the spectacular copper of his skin was dazzling. Gleaming white teeth flashed when he smiled, hazel eyes glittered as he surveyed the room, the light catching his dark curls and making them shine. 

She also noticed a little purple flower in his comm-badge: the exact same shade of purple as Wensley’s ballgown. She looked the part of a princess, but she just utterly paled in comparison to the man whose arm she clung to. 

“It’s like putting a diamond next to a pebble.”

Her thoughts exactly. Wait, who said…?

Jadzia turned to see Garak standing behind her. He too was in his finer clothes, and though he always looked very composed he looked even more so now. It was a subtle change compared to Julian’s transformation. Jadzia smiled a little.

“He cleans up well, doesn’t he? You should be proud; you’re winning.”

“Am I?” Garak asked quietly, raising a glass to his lips. He took a drink and lowered it, staring at Julian with a look Jadzia couldn’t quite place. “I see you’re not in a ballgown like the other female officers. Pity, really; I have the most beautiful gown that would suit you perfectly.”

Jadzia’s smile grew larger. “Thanks, but I prefer the uniform. Starfleet regulations say I could wear a gown or my uniform.” She gestured to herself. “Sometimes I just feel more comfortable in my uniform.”

“Understandable. It’s like an armor protecting you from all the hassle of the galaxy.” He paused. “I can admire that.”

“I like that. That’s about right.”

Garak smiled briefly before turning his attention back to Julian and the Ensign. “There’s something about them both...I can’t quite put my finger on it.”

“Did you have dances when you were younger, Garak?”

“Possibly. I do my best to block such things out.”

“I’m saying the Ensign looks like she’s a freshman who got invited to senior prom,” Jadzia explained. “I mean, yeah, she’s beautiful, but…”

“She’s trying too hard,” Garak finished. 

Jadzia gave Garak a look. “I was going to say she looks out of place.”

Garak shrugged nonchalantly and took another sip of his drink. 

Jadzia looked back at Julian and the Ensign. He completely outshone her like a supernova outshining a dwarf star. They made a lovely couple but...something about their interactions with each other wasn’t quite right. Jadzia couldn’t quite place why she felt that way, though. 

She turned to Garak, who was still watching them with great intensity as he nursed his drink. Jadzia knew how Julian respected the elder Cardassian, hanging on his every word even if he utterly disagreed with it. But her years of experience knew there was also a bit of hero worship at play. Julian was hungry for Garak’s praise, for his adoration...but why? Julian was already practically top of his class, was a star tennis player… so why’d it mean so much coming from Garak?

Of course it could also be what she long suspected in the first place: Julian was in love with Garak. Somewhere, at some point in their interactions, that hero worship turned into a deep emotional attachment. But because it was so out of place for Julian, perhaps he came to ignore it, suppress it, shove it deep, deep down into some dark corner of his heart and pretended it didn’t exist. 

And judging by the way Garak watched Julian, Jadzia could see he was in love with him as well. Though, as much as Jadzia felt bad thinking this, she couldn’t see what in the world Garak saw in the young doctor. Young  _ inexperienced  _ doctor...ah yes, that had to be it. And she could readily admit Julian was handsome - until he opened his mouth. By some grace of God, Garak managed to weave his way through that garbage until he found the gem hidden beneath. The patience of the elder Cardassian with the impetuous Human was more than she’d dealt with across multiple lifetimes. She didn’t know how he possessed it.

For the briefest of seconds, Julian’s eye caught Garak’s, and in that time Jadzia could see Julian’s polished mask crack. Not a big crack, nor a deep one, but it cracked, and the sound echoed across time and space. It shot across the room from Julian to Garak, and Jadzia watched it connect like lightning, felt it reverberate across the room. 

“Excuse me,” Garak muttered, finishing his drink, placing his glass down, giving Jadzia a curt nod, and disappearing into the crowd. Jadzia watched his back in silence before turning her attention back to Julian, who had lost a little bit of the light in his eyes. The Ensign gently tugged on Julian’s sleeve, her face asking if he was alright. Julian snapped back to where he was, smiled at the Ensign, and patted her hand gently. 

Jadzia quietly sighed as she took a sip of her drink. This wasn’t at all what she’d expected. Perhaps this whole bet had been a bad idea.

 

***

No one had ever seen Quark in such a tizzy before, not even the time Rom accidentally locked him out of the safe and lost the keys. He was rushing through the Promenade (Odo barking at him to slow down) until he skidded to a stop in front of Garak’s shop.

“Hey! HEY!” He shouted. “Hey, you there?”

Garak looked up from his work and eyed Quark. “What in the name of sanity are you so riled up about?” he asked crankily.

“Did you hear? Did you hear the news?” Quark asked, scampering into Garak’s shop and practically pressing himself into Garak’s side. Garak recoiled and moved the fabric he was cutting with him. 

“Quark, unless you’re going to keep me guessing all day…”

“Bashir slept with that ensign last night, after the reception!”

Garak blinked and closed his eyes. Of course he had. That was the desired outcome, wasn’t it? “Really, this is what counts as gossip these days?” he asked wearily. 

“No, just listen!” Quark motioned for Garak to come closer, looked around conspiratorially, and lowered his voice. “Apparently, during the, uh,  _ proceedings _ ...the good Doctor called out a name that wasn’t the Ensign’s. She was so angry she left him right then and there. He was shouting at her from his quarters in his skivvies.” He sniggered. “Boy I wish I could’ve seen that, could use it for blackmail…”

“Why do you think I even remotely care about this?” Garak asked, his patience thinning by the nanosecond. “Whoever the Doctor cares to sleep with or wants to sleep with is not my concern, and it shouldn’t be yours, either!”

“Oh it should be. The name he called out?” Quark could barely contain his excitement. “ _ It was yours _ .”

Garak felt the air rush from his lungs. He stood gaping at Quark, trying to process this information. No. No, that couldn’t possibly be true. Though in his heart of hearts he desperately wanted it to be so. But it was too much like those soporific Federation romantic comedies Julian sometimes talked about. It was a cliche! 

Garak finally shook his head and laughed. “You’re having me on, Mister Quark.”

“No, really, that’s what my sources heard! The entire station is talking about it! Can you believe it though?” Quark smacked Garak in the forearm with the back of his hand. “Of all the names to call out during sex! I mean,” he backpedaled, taking note of Garak’s angrily offended face, “not like you’re unappealing or...you know. It’s just not… Look,” he began again, collecting himself, “Bashir’s known around here as the ladies’ man...well, he thinks so anyway. So to have him call out another man’s name?” He cackled. “Oh this is too much, I can’t believe this is happening!”

“Come now, Quark!” Garak admonished, walking away from the hyperactive Ferengi and forcing himself to temper his excitement. Quark never was this excited about something unless an obscene amount of latinum was involved. “How do you even know this is true? Who could have possibly heard anything in those quarters?”

“Security footage, of course,” Quark grinned. “My sources…”

“Who in God’s name are these sources? I know Odo isn’t feeding you this information.”

“Doesn’t matter. Anyway, I saw the tapes. You clearly hear the Ensign saying something about, er, ‘screwing’ you if that’s what Bashir really wanted to do. Well, not exactly that. There are sensitive ears around. Starts with an ‘f’ and rhymes with ‘firetruck’.”

“I figured that out, thank you,” Garak snapped, trying to control his utter joy. If this really was true, did Julian reciprocate his feelings? Garak had admittedly been sowing the seeds of possibility into Julian’s head from the moment he first met the handsome young Doctor, and he certainly could see something fomenting in Julian as well...but this? Oh, it was almost too good to be true. “Where is Doctor Bashir? I think I should…”

“ _ Called out sick! _ ” Quark burst out, laughing even louder now. “He won’t leave his quarters for anything! Oh, boy…” He shook his head, trying to calm himself down. “Oh, Sisko and Kira are gonna be pissed at this…”

“What the hell do you find so funny about all this?”

“Yes, Quark, what  _ do  _ you find so funny?”

Garak and Quark looked to the entrance of the shop. Jadzia and Miles were standing in the doorway looking very livid. Miles had his arms folded across his chest and was ruddy-faced, while Jadzia had her hands on her hips and her lip twitching.

“I take it you’ve heard,” Quark offered weakly.

“I don’t find a damn thing about this funny!” Miles barked, storming into the shop. But it wasn’t Quark he was after; he shoved the Ferengi aside and got right up in Garak’s face. A startled gasp escaped his lips. “I  _ knew  _ I shouldn’t ‘a trusted you, yeh Cardi bastard! This is all yer damn fault!”

“Chief O’Brien, that’s enough!” Jadzia shouted, rushing over to him and forcing him away from Garak.

“Yeh know what’s been goin’ on here, Dax?” Miles shouted, pointing at Garak. “He’s been givin’ Julian ‘etiquette lessons’. Etiquette lessons from a damned Cardi spy! I told Keiko I didn’t trust this, not one damn bit! I knew he’d compromise Julian!” He got around Jadzia and stormed over to Garak, grabbing him by the collar. Miles was much stronger than Garak had pegged him for. He tried to pry the Human’s hands free of his shirt as he shouted. “What did yeh do to ‘im?  _ What’ve yeh done to my friend _ ?!”

“CHIEF O’BRIEN THAT IS ENOUGH!” Jadzia ordered, drawing her phaser and leveling it at Miles. “Let him go or I’ll send you to the brig! NOW!”

Miles glared daggers at Garak before grunting and letting him go. Garak massaged his neck as he clutched his table, trying to regain his breath.

“Aren’t yeh gonna do somethin’ ‘bout  _ ‘im _ ?” Miles asked Jadzia, gesturing to Garak. “He’s the one who’s compromised Julian!”

“I haven’t done a damn thing!” Garak spat. “If you wish to be angry, scream at Lieutenant Dax! This was all her idea!” 

“What?” Quark asked, looking between Garak and Jadzia, who was turning quite red-faced at the revelation. Garak was quite tired of this charade; he wasn’t going to go down while she got off easily. He needed to get to Julian, and he needed to get to him now. This nonsense was holding him back and it angered him.

“Don’ give me that crap!” Miles growled. “Don’ be throwin’ Lieutenant Dax under the bus because you screwed up.”

“He’s right, Miles,” Jadzia admitted, lowering her phaser. “This is all my fault.”

Miles did a double-take between Garak and Jadzia. “What the… What? Why’re yeh coverin’ for…”

“I’m not covering for anyone,” Jadzia spoke angrily. She sighed. “I...I made a bet with Mister Garak to see if he could get Julian to stop being a creep. I didn’t think it would get this out of hand.”

Miles gaped at Jadzia. “So yeh knew about this,” he repeated. “Did Julian? No,” he held up his hands and shook his head. “No, somethin’ tells me yeh did this without ‘im knowin’. I dunno what’s worse here.”

“I specifically asked Garak because I knew his connection to Julian,” Jadzia admitted, closing her eyes. “On one hand, I knew that if anyone on this station could get through to Julian, it’d be Garak. On the other…”

“On the other…?”

When Jadzia didn’t answer right away, Garak filled in the blanks. “She knew of my attraction to Doctor Bashir and wanted to play that to her advantage.” He turned to Jadzia. “Isn’t that right, Lieutenant? I did wonder why you chose me, of all people, for your little experiment.”

The entire shop was silent. Miles looked from both Garak and Jadzia and back again before shaking his head in disgust.

“Yeh two… Damnit, I’d expect this from Garak, but not you, Lieutenant Dax! I knew somethin’ about all this was wrong. Didn’t either of yeh think he might listen to me? I’m his friend, too!”

“You don’t have the same connection Garak and Julian do,” Jadzia spoke, opening her eyes and nodding at Garak. “I mean, yeah, you two do get along, but...have you ever noticed how much Julian’s eyes light up after he’s had lunch with Garak? After they’ve spoken about anything? If you really were his friend, you’d have seen it.”

Garak studied Jadzia. If she could see the effect he’d had on Julian, then it was no secret others knew. Julian wore his heart on his sleeve - everyone would know how he felt about Garak by now. Well, everyone except Garak himself.

Miles’ mouth opened and closed as he tried to argue with Jadzia but nothing came out. “I...I can’ believe what I’m hearin’,” he finally spoke breathlessly. “Yeh both’re godawful for doin’ this to Julian. Playin’ with his emotions jus’ to get ‘im to be what you think he oughta be...and yeh knew he was doin’ all this jus’ to impress you, Dax!” 

He shook his head and put a hand to his forehead. “I know Julian can be a right prat at times, but that’s a part of who he is. Part of what he’s gotta do on his own is figure out what’s right an’ what’s wrong. Weren’t any of yeh his age before? I mean Dax, come on...you’ve lived  _ seven other lifetimes _ before now! You of all people on this blasted station oughta know maturity takes time, and it cannot be rushed!”

Jadzia lowered her head. “You’re right, Miles. I’m sorry.”

“Don’ neither of yeh need be apologizin’ to  _ me _ ,” Miles said. “ _ I’m _ not the one scared to leave my quarters for fear of what everyone’s gonna be sayin’ about me.”

“You know,” Quark began, who had been uncharacteristically quiet this entire time, “this really isn’t anyone’s fault but Julian’s.”

Miles rounded on him. “Haven’t yeh heard what I just said?” he asked exasperatedly. “These two manipulated…”

“These two didn’t do squat to anyone,” Quark interrupted. “You’re right about a lot of this, Chief, and you better remember I said that ‘cuz it’s never happening again. But these two could’ve reprogrammed Bashir’s hoo-man brain and made him think he’s a tribble and he  _ still  _ would’ve fallen for Garak. Know why? ‘Cuz ya can’t replicate love.” He snorted. “I know, I’ve tried.”

The shop once more fell silent as everyone considered Quark’s words. Love? Really? Of course that’s what it was, there was no doubt about it. Garak could admit he was attracted to Julian from the first because of how obscenely gorgeous the young Doctor was. He introduced himself and struck up a friendship. Over time, over their lunches, over their debates, Garak began to truly love and care for Julian. He could be just as annoying as an errant fly on a hot day, and he was as stubborn as a riding hound. But it was that spark of energy behind his eyes, behind his words, behind his thoughts...that’s what drew Garak to Julian like a moth to a flame. He never expected this to happen. He doubted Julian did, either.

Finally, Miles spoke:

“Yeh two need to come clean with Julian, that much is clear. I hope he has more capacity to forgive yeh than I do. Regardless of how anyone feels for anyone,” he noted, regarding Quark, “it isn’t right to do what yeh did. Intentions be damned. Results be damned.” He pointed to both Garak and Jadzia. “Yeh did this to ‘im, now yeh best clean it up.”

“Well, now that that’s all settled,” Quark began, clapping his hands together, “I best be on my way…”

“Oh no yeh don’t, yeh schemin’ little gremlin,” Miles called out, grabbing Quark by the collar and wheeling him about to face him. He got down in Quark’s face just as he’d done with Garak. “Yeh are gonna stop this bloody rumor whenever it starts. You an’ Morn an’ everyone else on this damned station. If I hear it again after this point, I’ll pierce yer ears with an ol’-fashioned’ hammer and nail. Yeh understand?”

“But this’ll be good for…”

“ _ It won’t be good for anything except a blackenin’ of yer eye! _ ” Miles bellowed, causing Quark to flinch. 

“Okay, okay, fine!” Quark stammered, breaking free of Miles’ grip. “Fine. I’ll stop it.”

“Good. And yeh two,” Miles concluded, nodding at Garak and Jadzia, “yeh’re fixin’ this before the day’s out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to have someone call out both Garak and Jadzia for their stunt - because let's face it, Julian's an ass but this whole thing isn't exactly kosher - and who better to do it than suspicious ol' Miles O'Brien himself. Just to prove there's more than one person on DS9 who cares about Julian, after all.
> 
> And although it kind of hurts to write Jadzia in the wrong, because you'd think she'd know better, I like having to write that there will be consequences for her actions. Something about having repercussions and knowing she isn't perfect is good, somehow.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Dream sequence gore. It's not crucial to the chapter/story but it does give you a clue what's going through Julian's mind at this point. 
> 
> Ctrl-F "DEAR GOD NO" to skip to the story.

Julian found himself standing in a pitch black room. He couldn’t see anything. It was cold. He realized he was barefoot and was standing in a shallow bit of water. 

A laugh pierced the silence, a woman’s laugh. Julian whirled about, trying to place where it came from...or whom. Nothing. 

“Who’s there?” Julian called out.

The woman laughed again. Then a second. A chill flashed up Julian’s spine as he hugged himself partly to keep himself warm but largely out of fear. 

“Answer me!” Julian shouted.

Slowly, steadily, he found himself surrounded by female laughter. Julian looked everywhere but couldn’t see anyone. The disembodied laughter seemed to grow closer.

“WHO ARE YOU?!”

Then, one by one, the sources emerged: Ensign Wensley. The Bajoran nurse. Major Kira. Leeta, the Dabo girl. Jadzia Dax. Palis Delon, her silky blonde hair shimmering. A few of the other women he’d dated over his life. Finally...his first girlfriend, Delilah, still wearing their old private school uniform, her dark curls framing her face.

“What is all this?” Julian gasped as the women slowly crowded around him. 

“You’re a failure, Julian,” Jadzia spoke, a smile on her lips.

“An absolute failure,” Wensley added.

“A disaster,” Kira seconded.

“Who could ever love you?” the nurse asked with a laugh.

“How unfortunate!” Leeta breathed.

“Why are you doing this to me?” Julian pleaded.

“You must repent for your horrid ways,” another woman spoke.

“You are a disgrace, Julian Subatoi Bashir,” a second woman added.

“A tragedy manifested in human form,” Palis spoke.

“Palis?” Julian gasped, tears stinging his eyes. “But I thought…”

“You thought wrong,” she cut him off.

“You were always wrong, Julian,” Delilah goaded. “You were wrong about all of us. And we were all wrong about you.”

“Pathetic,” Kira tacked on.

“Weak excuse of a male,” Jadzia snipped. 

The insults kept coming. Chanting rhythmically, the sirens of his many failed relationships said things like “disaster”, “failure”, “disgrace”, “pathetic”... Their images blurred as Julian spun around, trying to face them all. Eventually he shut his eyes, clamped his hands over his ears, and fell to his knees in the shallow, cold water.

“STOP IT PLEASE, I’M BEGGING YOU!” he screamed as the tears began to fall.

“You truly are a sad individual, my dear Doctor.”

Julian’s eyes snapped open as he looked over his shoulder. The women were gone but now Garak stood staring down at him, his eyes colder than steel.

“Garak?” Julian asked. “Why are you…” He turned to face Garak before realizing he was now completely naked. Desperate not to expose himself, he huddled into the water and began to shiver. 

“How weak you are,” Garak went on, slowly walking over to Julian. “You can’t keep a woman happy, what makes you think I’m any better? Do you really think  _ I _ could ever love  _ you _ ?”

“Garak, please, why is this happening?”

“You need to face reality,” Garak went on, brandishing a Cardassian dagger. With a quick thrust he stabbed Julian in the chest. When he yanked it back out, Julian’s still-beating heart was on the edge. Julian gave a violent gasp as he clutched at his bleeding chest.

Garak removed Julian’s heart from the blade and walked to Julian. He knelt down, holding his heart in his hand. Julian felt his body temperature falling fast, his bones trembling from shock, his eyesight growing hazy and blurry. Garak was becoming more reptilian by the second: his pupils turned into slits and his tongue elongated and forked at the tip.

“No one could ever love a fool like you,” Garak hissed before crushing Julian’s heart before his very eyes.

“DEAR GOD NO!”

Julian awoke with a loud gasp. He sat bolt upright and grabbed at his chest - still completely in-tact. So were his clothes. 

Julian looked around. Still in his quarters. He had fallen asleep on his couch. Kukalaka, his faithful and worn teddy bear, stared blankly up at him a good five feet away and on his side.

Julian leapt up and grabbed Kukalaka, holding him close. It was a dream. Just a very, very terrible dream. 

“Oh god,” he whispered over and over into his teddy bear’s ear as he rocked himself to and fro.

The door chime for his quarters rang. Julian gasped and looked up. He narrowed his eyes.

“Go away!” he shouted.

“Julian, it’s Dax,” he heard Jadzia say. “We need to talk.”

“ _ Go away! _ ” he repeated, louder this time.

“Julian, we’re not leaving until you open this door.”

_ We? _ “If Jane’s out there I don’t want to see her!”

“Julian, it’s me.”

Julian’s blood turned cold.  _ Garak!  _ He clutched Kukalaka tighter. “I don’t want to see either of you! Leave me alone!”

“Julian, this isn’t optional,” Jadzia spoke. “We need to talk to you right now. If you don’t open this door we’ll force it open.”

“Then I’ll report you both to Constable Odo!”

“We already spoke with Odo and Sisko,” Garak replied. “They’re okay with it.”

Damnit. Julian’s lower lip trembled as he shouted “Go away!” one last feeble time.

“ _ Fine _ ,” Jadzia spoke. “Computer, this is Lieutenant Dax. Override Doctor Bashir’s door lock.”

“No!’ Julian shouted as the door slid open. Jadzia and Garak both stepped inside, the door sliding silently shut behind them.

Jadzia opened her mouth to speak but upon seeing Julian she was rendered speechless. “Oh, Julian,” she said. “You look terrible.”

Julian glanced down at his clothes: he was wearing his old grey Starfleet Academy gym shirt (“J. BASHIR” was written across the front in fading permanent marker) and gym shorts (a fading red color from one too many trips to the wash, also with “J. BASHIR” written in fading marker on the left leg). His hair was unkempt and he had a bit of stubble. “Thanks,” he grumbled, holding Kukalaka to his chest like a shield. “I suppose.”

“Nice teddy bear.”

Julian glared at Jadzia before flopping back down on the couch. “What do you want?”

Jadzia and Garak looked at each other before turning back to Julian. “We...we need to tell you something. Something we’re not proud of.”

“If you two slept together, I could honestly care less. Besides, the nurses…”

“Not that, Doctor,” Garak interrupted, holding up a hand. He and Jadzia pulled up chairs and sat across from Julian, who kept glaring at them. “We know what happened…”

Julian huffed. “Color me unsurprised. I bet it’s all the talk of the Gamma Quadrant, too. Come to mock me, have you?”

“You need to stop talking and listen to us,” Jadzia ordered gently. “We feel that we’re responsible for your predicament.” Feeling Garak’s wary gaze, she corrected herself. “ _ I _ feel responsible.”

“How could either of you possibly be responsible for what I did?” Julian asked, his nose crinkling in anger. “You didn’t telegraph the thoughts into my head. You weren’t pulling any strings.”

“Yes, we were,” Garak spoke. Julian found it excruciatingly hard to look at him. “In a way.”

“We manipulated you for the sake of a bet,” Jadzia confessed. “See, I was annoyed with you not being able to take the hint that I wasn’t interested, so I made a bet that Garak could...turn you into a better gentleman.”

Julian sat up a little straighter, his eyebrows knitting together. “You what?” he asked quietly, his voice deadly cold.

“It’s mostly my fault,” Jadzia went on, her voice picking up speed as she spoke. “I knew that you really respected what Garak said, and if anyone on the station could get through to you, it’d be him. I thought it’d be interesting.”

“ ‘Interesting’,” Julian repeated flatly, heat rising to his face.

“Not only that, but…” She took a deep breath. “I figured out how you felt about Garak and...knowing how he felt about you… I...I thought all that would work in my favor.”

The room fell silent. All that could be heard was the quiet whirring and beeping of the station. Julian felt his heart pounding in his ears as memories of his parents came flooding back - times when they were desperate to change him because they too couldn’t stand the person he was. They too wanted the perfect son and so, unhappy with what they were given, decided to break the law and their son to create what they’d always wanted. What they thought he should be.

Julian felt bile rising into his throat. Of course they didn’t know - nobody on this damned station knew (and if he had it his way, no one would). But their actions had stirred up memories he had fought so hard to forget, days filled with lab tests, nights filled with tears. What was left of Jules Bashir, the little bit Julian just couldn’t seal away, was screaming, “What is wrong with me? Why don’t you love me? Why are you doing this?  _ Why do you hate me?! _ ”

“You both used me,” he finally spoke, trying to keep his voice as even as possible.

“Look,” Jadzia began, “however you feel about this, don’t blame Garak. This was me, all me. I just… I don’t know why I thought this would be a good idea…”

“You  _ absolutely  _ did, don’t lie to me,” Julian spat. 

“Come now, Doctor,” Garak came in. “I’ve been making my intentions known for months! Since the day I first met you! I thought you  _ knew _ !”

“But it works out, since you care for him, too!” Jadzia offered with a weak smile.

Julian held up a hand to Jadzia. “Don’t,” he ordered.

Jadzia sat back on her chair and folded her hands in her lap, averting her eyes. “I understand if you hate me,” she murmured. “I hate me too right now.”

“Julian, please understand,” Garak tried, leaning forward, “everything I said to you...everything I told you… All the compliments, all the praise, everything… I meant every last word of it. Do you know how hard it is for me to be so honest with someone?”

“How hard it is for  _ you _ ?!” Julian repeated loudly. “ _ For you _ ?!  _ For both of you _ ?! You both are thinking about how  _ you  _ would benefit from this but didn’t give a solid damn about how  _ I _ felt! Didn’t either of you think for one minute that just  _ talking _ to me would’ve accomplished more than this...this  _ disgusting  _ manipulation? Didn’t either of you think of giving me a bloody chance to change myself? What is wrong with me? Huh? Tell me. Tell me right now, to my face:  _ what is wrong with me!? _ ”

“There is nothing wrong with you, Julian,” Garak said quietly.

“Then why change me?” Julian shouted, tears burning his eyes. “I get it: I’m impossible. I talk too much, I’m too enthusiastic, I’m too...whatever! Whatever you want to say I am! Don’t you think I hear myself, too? Don’t you think I see how I’m behaving? I’m trying to navigate this whole bloody universe just as much as either of you are, so you’ll forgive me for not being as bloody savvy and all-knowing as you two.”

Garak and Jadzia remained silent, neither able to face Julian. 

Julian clutched Kukalaka tighter as he lowered his head, tears falling onto the worn threads of the bear. “Just get out. Get out, both of you.” Julian rose to his feet and lifted his eyes. He wanted to make sure both of them saw the tears pouring down his cheeks, the puffy redness of his eyes. He wanted them to see it and, more importantly, he wanted them both to feel it.

“Get. Out,” he repeated.

Garak and Jadzia slowly rose and, without a word, exited Julian’s quarters. When he was certain they were gone, Julian collapsed in a heap on the floor and sobbed bitterly.

 

***

 

It goes without saying the bet officially ended, neither Jadzia nor Garak interested in collecting. The only thing they wanted was Julian’s friendship back.

Julian went about his business as though nothing was upsetting him, but the moment he had to work with Jadzia or interact with Garak he would suddenly turn cold. He’d be cordial, of course (he wanted to show them he wasn’t beyond all hope, after all) but he’d only interact with them at the bare minimum and nothing more.

He began spending more time alone on his off-hours. Not even Miles could get a racquetball match out of him. He’d always come up with an excuse - “I’ve got to catch up on reports” or “There’s a new journal article I’ve been meaning to read” or “Ah, you know what? I pulled a muscle the other day and I need to rest up” - and that would be that. 

“Why’s he takin’ it out on  _ me _ , though?” Miles asked Keiko over breakfast one morning. “I had nothin’ to do with it. If anything he should be  _ thankin’  _ me for getting them two to fess up.”

“Let Julian have his time alone,” Keiko gently directed as she placed the dishes back in the replicator. “That’s gotta be a terrible shock to him, having your friends try to change you without you knowing. He’ll come around when he’s ready.” Seeing her husband’s discomfort, Keiko put her arms around him from behind and gave him a hug. “I know you miss hanging out with him, but I promise you he’ll be back to normal when the time’s right. You just have to let the dust settle.”

Miles patted Keiko’s forearm. “I know,” he said quietly. “I just feel bad ‘cuz I’d say the same things about him. Now he’s a completely different person.” 

“See, that’s the one good thing to come out of all this,” Keiko pointed out. “You all realize just how much you like him exactly as he is, warts and all.”

 

***

 

Being stuck on Deep Space Nine hadn’t been so bad when Garak had Julian to talk to. But now that the Doctor wouldn’t give him the time of day, it felt like solitary confinement all over again.

Garak missed the young Doctor. Certainly he could watch as Julian flitted past his shop back and forth like a hummingbird. He could stop by Quark’s and get a glimpse of Julian playing darts in the corner alone while nursing a synthale. He even walked past Julian’s quarters when he knew the Doctor was fast asleep, stupidly trying to see if he could hear the sounds of Julian’s breathing (he couldn’t, but he liked to dream).

Once upon a time Garak could deal with being alone in a crowd. Then he found Julian. Garak revelled in the sparks that flowed between them, even when they argued (which was a known Cardassian courting ritual), even when his implant failed and Julian - faithful, sweet, Julian - stayed by his side and held his hand. Garak could easily close his eyes and see that image of Julian smiling down at him burned into his brain, but the more time they spent apart, the more the memory began to fade.

Garak shook his head and focused on the beautiful deep purple cloth he was working on. It would be such a lovely color on Julian…

Footsteps got his attention. When he looked up, he saw Jadzia rushing toward his shop, her face panicked. “What’s the matter?”

“Just got word from Sisko,” Jadzia replied, breathing heavily. “Julian...requested a transfer. He’s trying...for a starship. Wants to put...as much distance...as he can...between himself...and DS9…” She grabbed Garak by the forearms and gently shook him. “You’ve got to stop him!” she urged. 

Garak wrenched himself from Jadzia’s hold. “What did Sisko say?” he asked, changing the subject.

“He doesn’t want Julian to leave, but Julian’s already gone through all the proper channels. There’s honestly nothing he can do at this point. I think he’ll be assigned the  _ Zephyr  _ or the  _ Johannesburg _ ...whichever one is closest to us.” Jadzia stared at Garak. “You’ve got to try talking to him,” she pleaded. “Even Sisko…”

“If the Commander can’t convince Doctor Bashir to remain here,” Garak cut her off, “what makes you think I’ll do any better? And don’t you dare say because of how we feel for one another,” he snapped, stopping Jadzia mid-speech, “because that ship has left port, hit a storm, and sank.” He turned back to his fabric. “I’ve done enough damage already.”

“I know we screwed up...okay,  _ I _ screwed up,” Jadzia corrected under Garak’s withering glare. “But I know you don’t want him to leave any more than I do.”

“So then  _ you  _ talk to him!” Garak snapped. “If you’re the expert in all things Julian Bashir, perhaps you would be better suited to pleading with him! He doesn’t want to see me - he can barely bring himself to look at me! What the hell makes you think he’ll even give me the time of day besides some misplaced attraction?”

Jadzia’s eyes began to fill with tears. “Garak, please,” she begged. “He’s a part of this crew, a part of this family. I don’t want to lose him as a friend, and I know you don’t want to lose him as…” She trailed off but covered it up with a hitch of her breath. “I know in my heart... _ my _ heart, not  _ Dax’s _ heart...that only you can bring him home. Let  _ me  _ worry about how much I broke everything. I’m begging you, Garak. Please try and stop him.”

Garak sighed and stared down at the fine purple fabric. Yes, it would make a lovely shirt for Julian; it was unfair how beautiful he was and how he could get away with wearing just about anything (well, anything someone else picked out for him). The fabric seemed to be begging to be fitted into something for Julian, perhaps as a conciliatory gift. But why would he even accept it?

A dull pain filled Garak’s heart. He couldn’t let Julian go. He’d lost too many loved ones before, and after he left the Obsidian Order he swore he’d never let another beloved slip through his fingers.  _ Was  _ Julian a beloved? That Garak couldn’t stop thinking about him, that he refused to imagine a life without him by his side, that he’d miss that electricity between them, that beautiful smile…

“I shall try,” Garak finally spoke, concealing his very real fear that he would fail. “I cannot promise anything, but I shall endeavor to try.”

Jadzia smiled through her tears. “That’s all I ask.”


	6. Chapter 6

Major Kira Nerys glared at Garak as he walked through the corridor as he walked to Julian’s quarters. “Why am I not surprised  _ you  _ had something to do with this?” she sniped.

“Spare me your sanctimonious nonsense,” Garak snapped back. “I’m trying to fix it.”

“That’s rich,” she snorted, but before she could continue, Garak rounded on her:

“Major Kira, if I were you, I’d have a good long talk with Lieutenant Dax before you decide to convict me. There is so much more going on here than you could possibly realize, and the sooner you learn to pull your head up from Bajor and look at the galaxy around you, the better off we’ll all be.” He collected himself before continuing. “I understand your concern for the Doctor. Everyone is worried. But I’m trying to get things back to normal. Well, normal for here. And I’ll thank you to step aside and let me work.”

“Work on what?”

Garak and Kira looked up to see Julian standing in the corridor, arms folded across his chest and a supreme look of exasperation etched into his fine features. 

“Doctor Bashir,” Garak began, stepping forward, “I must speak with you. Privately.”

“Whatever you came to say,” Julian replied, his voice icy, “you can say it in front of Major Kira.”

“Fine then.” Garak glanced at Kira out of the corner of his eye before he continued. “I think you’re making a big mistake in leaving Deep Space Nine.”

“Well, that’s a game-changer then,” Julian retorted sarcastically. “Is it because it was my decision to leave and not yours? Or Dax’s? Do you doubt my decision-making abilities now?”

Kira wrinkled her nose. “Wait,  _ what _ ?”

“Speak with Lieutenant Dax, I implore you,” Garak muttered to Kira. “There isn’t enough time to explain what’s happened…”

“Oh I can manage,” Julian interrupted. “See, Dax and Garak here had a bet to see if I could become a ‘proper gentleman’ in three months’ time. Of course, I had no idea I was being manipulated...and against my will at that.”

“Is  _ that  _ why you’re leaving?” Kira asked, dumbstruck. She snorted. “That is the absolute stupidest thing I have ever heard.”

“You don’t understand, Major,” Julian warned, but Kira spoke over him:

“ _ I could not care less, Doctor! _ All I’m seeing is a spoiled man-child who can’t deal with the fact that not everyone thinks he’s the Prophets’ gift to the galaxy! All I’m seeing is a sad little boy in a Starfleet uniform turning tail and running when a  _ rumor _ gets started about him. Is that what they teach you? That the only time worth standing tall is when everything is rainbows and sparkles? That’s not how it works out here. That’s not how it works  _ anywhere _ .

“You wanna transfer? Go then. We don’t need cowards out here. We need strength. And if you can’t stand up to whatever the hell has you peeing yourself in fear, especially if it’s a damned rumor, then  _ go home _ .” She scoffed at Julian as she turned to leave. “If you’re the best the Federation has to offer, then I’m glad Bajor didn’t join.” And with that, she strode off.

Garak and Julian stared after her, completely dumbstruck. After a moment, Julian finally spoke: “Do you think she stood there waiting just to tell me off?”

“I wouldn’t put it past her,” Garak mused. “But, anyway, as I was saying…”

“Look, Garak,” Julian interrupted, “I really, honestly don’t have the time…”

“ _ Make the damn time _ ,” Garak ordered, stepping closer to Julian, who instinctively stepped backward. “You can’t leave,” he went on, his voice softening. “The station needs you.”

“The station?” Julian repeated with a scoff. “The station can get any number of Starfleet doctors out here…”

“But none of them will be you.”

“Oh spare me, Garak,” Julian snapped, but Garak could still see his cheeks turning a dusty rose color.

“Julian, please listen to me,” Garak tried again, this time using the Doctor’s given name as a sign of affection, a sign of love, “I… I can’t bear to let you go. The thought of you away from this station and out of my life is more than I can possibly handle.”

“I find that very hard to believe,” Julian replied softly. He meant it.

“What Dax and I did was wrong, very wrong. There is nothing I, she, nor anyone else can say that will make any of that right. I am not asking you to forget what I have done, but I am asking your forgiveness.”

Julian looked away and shifted his weight. He rubbed a hand on his arm as Garak’s words processed through his mind. 

“I don’t know if I can do that,” he finally spoke.

Garak closed his eyes. “At least tell me when you plan on leaving then,” he asked.

“Two days,” Julian replied quietly. 

Garak nodded. “I understand. Well then. Good luck, Doctor.”

Julian was unable to look at Garak again. “Thank you, Mister Garak. You as well.”

 

***

 

The day before Julian was scheduled to leave, a package arrived at his quarters. It was plainly but beautifully wrapped. Julian knelt down and picked it up, bringing it inside.

He unwrapped it, and his breath left him. It was a gorgeous shirt made of rich amethyst-colored fabric that felt like water in his hands. He fingered the stitching: it was impossibly fine and practically invisible. The way it caught the lights in his quarters and shimmered made his heart flutter.

A note was attached. All it said was  _ “Holosuite 24. One last dance.” _

Julian took in a ragged breath. Garak’s words had not left him, despite how hard he tried to push them out of his mind. Garak was so much stronger than Julian ever was, or could ever be: why would he be so vulnerable with him? Why would he risk that bit of weakness? 

Julian knew why.

He glanced up at Kukalaka, who was perched precariously on a shelf. When he was very young he would always ask his teddy bear for advice. Of course he knew the bear couldn’t answer back, but there was something in that worn out and patchy face that was reassuring. It made him think back to high school, how he asked Kukalaka’s “advice” the night before he was going to ask the beautiful Delilah to the homecoming dance. It seemed so stupid now - and, let’s be honest, it was stupid then, too - to ask a bear what he should do, but somehow, it felt right.

“What do you think, friend?” Julian heard himself ask. He held up the shirt. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

The bear stared back.

Julian felt himself smile as he walked to Kukalaka and touched the shirt to the bear. “I know he made it for me. He put a lot of work into it, you know. I…” He sighed. “Part of me wants to never forgive him. Part of me wants to run away. But Major Kira’s right: that’s not what a Starfleet officer should do. We’re supposed to stand tall and boldly go. Right?”

Julian tried to imagine the bear blinking its one eye in response.

“The truth is,” Julian went on, absentmindedly stroking the fabric, “I  _ do  _ care about Garak. Deeply. Maybe I even…” He hesitated. “Maybe I even love him.”

It was such an odd thing to say: “ _ Maybe I even love him. _ ” Julian had never considered being in love with another man. He’d certainly kissed other men before: Cadet Ryerson at the Academy for one, but that was on a dare, and they were both extremely wasted. The two couldn’t stop giggling long enough to actually touch lips, but once they did, it felt...maybe not  _ right _ , perhaps, but it felt  _ good _ . He remembered Ryerson: lanky body, curly red hair, snow-white skin and freckles, eyes as green as grass. Didn’t he take the command track? He must be on a starship halfway across the galaxy now.

Julian wondered how he was.

“ _ Maybe I even love him _ .” His words echoed in his mind. Ryerson was undeniably human. Julian was very familiar with his parts because he had the same ones. But Cardassian biology...it was a completely different ballgame.  _ Well _ , Julian thought with a shrug,  _ I’ve never turned down a good challenge _ .

There was a difference between Ryerson and Garak, though (aside from the obvious): the phoenix in Julian’s heart never sang for Ryerson. (Why would it? That was a drunken dare.)

Julian stripped out of his uniform top and put Garak’s shirt on. It fit him perfectly, emphasized his lean figure, clung to his body in all the right places and flowed away in others. But Julian couldn’t help but notice how the neckline was very decidedly Cardassian, and it did a phenomenal job of bringing out his collarbone and, thus, his long, slender neck. He looked like a work of art. He swallowed back his tears - heaven forbid he let them fall and ruin this beautiful fabric!

He grinned at Kukalaka. “I don’t look half-bad, do I?” he said, choking on his tears. God he couldn’t even convince a teddy bear he wasn’t hurting. “I have to go to him, don’t I?”

As if in response, Kukalaka slowly fell onto his right side. Julian laughed as he wiped away his tears.

“Thanks, old friend,” he whispered. “You always know what to say.”

 

***

Julian was torn: he didn’t want to sweat and ruin his new shirt, but he wanted to run as fast as his legs to carry him. 

As he barrelled past Odo, who shouted at him to stop running in the promenade (“YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW BETTER, DOCTOR.”), Julian wondered if he’d ever listen to that inner voice that constantly told him to slow down, to pause, to think.

Oh screw it. The young lovestruck idiot dodging confused aliens: that’s who Julian Subatoi Bashir was. Maybe he’d listen to that moderating voice someday. Today was not that day.

Julian ran through Quark’s, dodging waiters, patrons, and (very confused) Dabo girls, bolting down the corridor of holosuites until he reached number twenty-four.

Julian took a deep breath, triggered the door to open, and stepped inside.

It was the exact same ballroom as before, except it was completely empty. Well, not quite. Garak stood in the middle of the room, staring out the enormous windows to a starry night sky, his hands folded behind his back.

No words were said. Garak heard Julian and turned his head to greet him, a warm smile crossing his face. Julian felt his eyes well with tears again as he smiled back and ran into Garak’s arms. Garak wrapped his arms around Julian’s body, one hand resting on his curls.

They remained like this for a while before Julian pulled back and kissed Garak on his lips. Garak was surprised, but he quickly got over it and cradled Julian’s face in his hands, kissing the Doctor back just as deeply, as richly, and as passionately as Julian was kissing him.

When they finally parted, Garak was still holding Julian’s face in his hands and Julian’s forehead was pressed into Garak’s chufa. He was still trying to hold back tears, which Garak gently wiped away.

“Don’t cry, my darling,” he whispered, running a thumb across Julian’s cheekbone. 

“I’m sorry…” Julian blinked away his tears as he straightened. “Look, I’m still upset at what happened. But…” He shook his head. “I can’t leave you. I’ve…” He took a deep breath as Garak waited patiently. “I’ve never felt this way for anyone else, never. I’m scared and happy and… I’m everything all at once.”

“I don’t expect you to forgive me so fast,” Garak spoke. “I don’t deserve any forgiveness, if I may be honest.” He smiled as he stroked Julian’s skin, his hand running down his neck and to his exposed shoulders, Julian closing his eyes and leaning into Garak’s touch. “You are far, far too kind to be putting up with a stubborn old bastard like me. I don’t know what I did in my life to deserve you, Julian, but I’m glad I did it.”

Julian’s eyes fluttered open, tears clinging to his lashes like diamonds. He laughed quietly as he nuzzled Garak’s neck. “Likewise, my dear Mister Garak.”

Garak’s smile grew wider. “Now, my dear, I do believe I owe you a dance.” On cue, the sounds of a string quartet filled the room playing the same waltz they’d first danced to.

Julian lifted his head and beamed, stepping back and offering his hand. “Shall I lead?”

Garak raised a brow. “I’d love it! Where did you learn to dance?”

Julian leaned close to Garak and whispered in his ear, “I’m a man of many faces. You just haven’t seen them all yet.”

Garak laughed as he stroked Julian’s hair. “I’m looking forward to seeing them all, my love.”

 

THE END


End file.
